I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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