Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
