you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
