what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
