I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
