Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
