Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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