I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
