jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
