yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
