Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
