I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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