wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
