No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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