I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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