I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
