He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
