Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
