I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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