I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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