he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
3pm strippers are depressing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
