Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
