laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
