I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
