I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
