I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
