he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize