hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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