i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize