Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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