Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
