Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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