he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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