the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
