My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
