remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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