i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
