I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
