Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I want her autograph on my taint
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
