The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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