I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
