We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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