My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
50% drunk capacity currently
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
