he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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