It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
