I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
