I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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