so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
