turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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