Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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