I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
