I wish I only lived at night.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
