Im at strip club and am horny
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
