I think my vagina is haunted
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
