it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
