Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
