Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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