you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
