my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
