And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
