Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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