I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
