Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
