I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
