I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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