ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
