Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
