Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
