my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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