is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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