Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
